Pandaland...thanks for memories

With the next WoW expansion on the horizon and we leave Pandaland behind, I wanna take a look back at the Mists of Pandaria as a whole. I joined the exploration of the pandas as the second patch hit, coming back after packing my bags and walking out on Cataclysm because of what she had become. After she showed me she had changed and wanted me back, I decided to take her back you continue from where I left off. I started with the new class which Blizzard totally stole my idea for by the way, monks. Deciding to kill two dragons with one cannon ball, the panda monk Pangtong, trying to sound plausible, was born. Although the panda being able to choose a side made it harder to know which I needed to me and which one wanted to cook and eat my worgen, I overlooked at it, mainly because the rolling function made fighting feel fun and hit close to home. All and all the monks were a great new class that was easy to use hard to master, covering almost all player types. Now the expansion itself felt like a roller-coaster with a slow, flat ending. Jumping into a new unknown story line in Warcraft, showed Blizzard can make an entire expansion based on a joke. It kept me excited learning about new characters while still developing old ones. I say slow flat ending however because the Siege of Orgimmar as a whole felt like a desperate wrap up of a story, that lasted way too long. Why have this buildup of this amazing new land, only to have the final raid back in old WoW? My favorite raid in the whole expansion has to be Throne of Thunder, rating into my top five raids of all times. The gear looked amazing; the game-play punished you if you didn't know what you were doing, and rewarded you if you learnt from your mistakes. The build up to the Isle of Thunder too, felt amazing to complete, but the consist dailies made playing fell like a 9 to 5 job where your boss is insane ask the same fucking thing every day expecting a different result. That was one of the major drawbacks of Mists. The dailies made rep grinding the fell like pulling rusty bits of metal from your skin, you know it will be better for you in the long run, but it sucks now. The elites and small treasures found across Pandaria made me feel like Indy, exploring dark forests, finding rare treasures protected by wild beasts, and really hating snakes. The one big grief I have with MoP is it lasted timing. It lasted over two years and the last raid was 12 months? Really Blizzard come on, give us something new. I know it is hard to roll out a new expansion and it takes time, but develop the last patch of the expansion and only release it may be like 5 months before the next expansion. Just time release dates a bit better, all I am saying. 

This image is owned by Blizzard, that giant game making company that owns my soul

Maleficent leather

Disney must be kicking in his grave. Angelina Jolie`s new film interpretation of the villain which was one of the scariest woman with a fondest for black things in the whole Disney world, makes me question everything I thought I knew about my childhood builders. Maleficent takes a new look at the villain of Sleeping Beauty, making her hotter and less a crazy bitch being mean just because it's that time of the month, every damn day of her life. One symptom being you suddenly gain an American accent, as Maleficent starts off British then becomes a rebellious colonial. Plot  breakdown: boy meets fairy, boy breaks fairy heart, fairy goes bat shit crazy and starts wearing dark leather....nice....fairy then finds she's can't be bitch, kills boy anyway. Sharlto Copely plays the part of the boy nicely, although there are times when his South African accent makes an appearance. The one thing that I have a problem with is that this movie was marketed up the bum, and any movie, game or series that is marketed that much is place on my shit list from the start. It’s like Benjamin Croshaw, better known as that crazy British-Australian video game critic that never uses punctuation, would say, that any game marketed so much means the developers themselves know it is shit and try to get as much hype for it as possible to feel a little better the y produced something so shit, by swimming in our money. Cocks.  

Who's afraid of a guy called Bigby?...This bear

Okay so although I am a little late to the party, I finally managed to find enough time in my schedule to play and finish Wolf Among Us by Telltale games. The game is based on fable characters and more importantly the DC comic Fables. This takes all our favourite fairy tale characters and throws them into a modern day New York, with first world problems to make them more relatable. You play the role of Bigby Wolf...see what they did there, the cigarette smoking, whiskey drinking, tough son of a bitch…literally… sheriff. The game is from the some guys that made the Walking Dead game, so there is no surprise that it is a point and click adventure game heavy soaked and dripping in story. In terms on game-play it is limited but fulfills the limitation nicely and the story just gives it that much needed drive to keep you coming back. The characters all look to you to solve their problems however, like the ward mother of suicidal teens, all looking for you to help them and feel for them. And being a point and click adventure, you also get to choose a response to their statements by pressing A,B,X or Y, a procedure I often use negotiating my everyday conversations. the problem is though you choose a response thinking Bigby will say it in a certain context, only to have him verbally castrate the person.   The peak of the serious was when you finally managed to kill a bitch who, let’s face it, had it coming that psychotic bitch, like the ex-girlfriend who was amazing in bed but killed a relative every time you pissed her off by leaving the toilet seat up. The graphics do its comic book background proud. All that said it was in my opinion a good game, not great but worth it. I just hope in the next one the mother and father bears come bitching about a golden-hair hooker, that junior brought home. 

Oh Lucy...you make me worried

I don't know what to say...I just don't know. The feeling I got from watching the latest Scarlett Johansson movie, Lucy, left a bad taste in my mouth as well as a fish slap to the brain. The reason I say fish slap is because it wasn't hard enough to leave me mentally retarded, like a tuna or haddock, but enough for my brain to feel tossed around like a kitten in a tumble drying. The concept behind the movie is what would happen to us if we started using more than 10 % of our brains capability. The movie`s answer is that we all become superheroes with no emotions what so ever. Interesting theory but I for one don't buy it. However I have no degree in evolution and know nothing about the human brain, except many South African politicians have none, so I'll let the writers have their day. As a movie, the plot is like the uninvited kid to adult’s party, confused and awkward. Towards the end it takes a left up bat shit Crazy Street and missions down it at top speed. Morgan Freeman plays the role of a professor of...stuff, and plays the role brilliantly. I don't know what it is but his voice lead me to believe everything was fine, when all I saw in the movie was pretty lights and gun fire like Michael Bay producing on my face. Now with regards to Scarlet...what do you want me to say it's fucking Scarlet Johansson...she shows a tiny bit of cleavage in any movie and thousands of straight men will flock to the movie with dates with a tissue box later that evening...and I like to think some women too. 

For the Horde....kinda

Well it's about time. After many days of trying to get a solid internet connection in order to download Warlords of Draenor beta, I have finally reached that stage where I can play, but as slow as a asthmatic snail due to additional downloads being done during game-play. Fuck.  Anyway the beta started with my orc hunter being dumped next to a very large human offering me a garrison. I was naturally skeptic. One, why is he giving away garrisons for free? Two, where is he keeping these garrisons? And three, why the fuck am I questioning this, it's a game, to which I immediately built my little pleasure palace the furthest it could go only to find I couldn`t add any fucking buildings. Why does it seem that the Horde get the bell end of everything? So I decided to double agent myself over to Alliance with a draenei paladin with amazing facial hair. Rinse, lather, repeat and I found that the Allaiance garrisons are actually working. Blizzards, Alliance are cool and all but fuck it they are not the only faction. Through something the horde's way once in a while. The horde bike from...*cough cough* Azeroth Chopper should show you that the fan base for horde could eat the Alliance base for breakfast. What also grinds my tits is that Mist of Pandaria and Warlords of Draenor both make the Horde assholes because of what a handful of individuals have done. I know this is just to drive the game and shouldn't be something that I start clubbing baby seals about, but from a story line perspective, it annoyed the shit out of me. 

Guardians of the Galaxy Review

I honestly don't know what I was expecting. After a late night viewing of Marvel's latest comic book to film adaption I can't help but feel that they have dropped the ball....then popped the ball and rubbed it in our faces like the crushed hopes and dreams of a five year old child. Guardians of the Galaxy isn't the biggest comic book name around, kind of the second cousin once removed of the family, but it still has some interesting characters. Not going to give details about the characters because that’s what Wikipedia is for. But it is still a Marvel movie so i decided to show it respect, which i regret doing. The hype for the movie was so over done that it you felt it was going to be the greatest movie in modern history, but that should give off warning bells. Anything as over hyped as this movie, makes it feel like that the producers themselves feel that this movie might not be good so let’s just market the shit of it and hope for the best. As a movie by itself, it does the job of throwing non-believers into the larger Marvel universe and Chris Pratt does the role of Starlord justice, but wrestlers in movies is asking for trouble. And the sticky fingers of Disney are all over this movie, especially when the "heroes" defeat the main villain by holding hands. The piece of glass in the urinary track was the end credits feature. Everyone knows you stick around after a Marvel movie to see the next big feature. But if this is the next big feature Marvel, count me the fuck out. I won't spoil for you but the last end credit feature with Bruce Banner acting like a therapist to Tony Stark was comedic, but this one could lower the IQ of the general population a few more precious notches.

Warlords of Draenor Beta...kinda

I have previous blogged on how I received a Warlords of Draenor, the fifth expansion to the soul sucking MMORPG World of Warcraft, and I have to say that there is a slight bulge in my pants. Although I am not boasting the steroid pumping graphics and an internet line that should be a criminal offense, I have to say that it looks amazing. I haven't downloaded the full game yet, so i have only managed to do is create random characters and tour the new Orgrimmar, one of the main cities for those who don't know what I am talking about because you live under rocks, and the details and adjusts Blizzard have made to the character models is truly amazing. I normally have an issue with everything Blizzard does, but this time I can't complain. I have only seen so far many five new models, but that's all they needed to do to get me back to their place for a night of passionate clicking.