Warcraft: Legion first impressions

So the big bad legion is back and like a pissy drunk ex they are fucking up the place. First they tried the widespread fucking up places but now have decided to concentrate on the Broken Isles. I don’t understand why, I mean it doesn’t seem like prime location what with crazy animals, and the locals don’t really seem that friendly limiting the tourist attraction. But never the les they are there and it’s our jobs as adventures to pick our oddly convenient legendary weapon that somehow every fucking tom, dick, and hairy tauren have as well, making us feel as special as a grand of sand on the world’s longest beach somewhere in Eastern Europe with only male nudist. Now I will admit that “hell it’s about time” Starcraft pun inserting for the win, that we dealt with the Legion (the group) in the Warcraft games, but sadly Legion (the expansion) has a lot to live up to, like Legion (the marvel mutant) with the shiny headed father.

Now I liked how they introduced Legion by having us run around the country side putting out green fires like firemen drunk on the green fairy. Alliance and Horde tensions were raised once again by the Horde doing something, which seems logical to me, and the Ally bastards preferring we don’t.  To be fair, Banish Queen isn’t fucking helping with her obsession with shiny things. Anyway, we can choose to ignore her treasure to last as we able to choose our starting point to quest on the broken isles. Nice touch and it seems to be working with us questing to find the “Pillars of creation” (weirdest name for a boner ever) in each of the zones. Let the grind begin mother fuckers. The artifact weapons help out and your class hall allows you and an Ally of the same class hang out, grab some coffee before heading out to murder one another.

All and all first insights look good. Dungeons are solid, quest is virtually unchanged, and the story from each zone in absorbing. The professions change can be annoying at times, like a fussy mother telling you that if you want your chocolate you better only kill naga in this zone, forcing the free questing zone to become narrower by having your profession quests in a certain zone. Forcing you to hope around the map like a disgruntled delivery man. Raising the question, did I deliver that questionable package with the ticking to the correct temple?

Warlords of Draenor, the Retrospective

With just little over a month left for Warlords of Draenor to become an expansion we’d have rather left in the basement like the family member we keep around but don’t let out and about, I thought I would try and give the special child of the Warcraft family the benefit of the doubt and give a retro review. Now I know that it seems like an impossible task, but fuck it I am going to try, and once I am done I will give that turning the tides a crack.

The announcement of us grabbing the nearest Deloraine from Doc Brown, and time traveling was met with mixed reviews. This is the worst idea Blizzard have ever had was the side I was on, but some of my more special colleagues latched onto it with a huge nostalgic stiffy. Visiting the old world before the orcs become lime green puppets for the legion, and Hellscream was regretting his choice of drink. Now there were several plot holes that were pointed out and where addressed by Blizzard basically saying “fuck it, it ain’t going to happen because this is not only time travel, but alternate world time too”.  So not really Back to the Future but more Dr. Who.  Okay, sort of too sci-fi for Warcraft, but I’ll bite. That was the draw in terms of story. The game-play draws were the typical Blizzard BS, were it looks good on paper, but then again so does most items of the menu at the local McDonalds, only to found leaving you regretting every bit you took. The garrisons come to mind. Now I was all for said people out to their potential death were you got all the rewards, however it became a smart phone game. The garrison also killed most of the economy of the servers. Economy on WoW? “Stop talking shit Dubu you hairy bastard”. First of all I take hairy bastard as a compliment. Keeps me warm at night. Second remember when you could go out and herb or mine for hours then transmute or mix potions, put them on auction for a reasonable price and walk away will a solid bit of gold. The garrisons shot that in the foot, leaving the auction flooded with items because it was easier to get the daily items needed for the more experienced crafting items. We won’t talk about the raids because I really don’t want to, and the final game zone was a fucking joke. The cool ideas were flooded with the typical grinding on crack and the open world boss became less of a challenge and more of an irritation.

All in all, it wasn’t the game-play or the story of the expansion that I want to take away from Warlords, mainly because I will properly leave with less than I had. It was the potential for the next expansion Legion. We are finally going to address arguably the biggest threat to Warcraft universe apart from girlfriends or empty wallets. 

We travel back....

I remember the days when I couldn’t wait to log onto World of Warcraft during the weekend in order to do….stuff. Those days when I still played Alliance because my friends said it would be fun, Arthas was still having a pissy fit onto of his throne about how no body. Those battle ground weekends helped me level my character to 80. I remember pushing for a solid 10 hours on a Thursday to get to the level needed for Altrec Valley because the battle ground weekend started the next day. Now it seems that old dungeons and skirmishes have been added to the mix. Trying to coin the nostalgic factor are we Blizzard? Yes these time walker dungeons throw us like a pair of old, overused undies into the classics days when tactics was more of a suggestion then a requirement. I enjoy seeing some old dungeons again that bring back fond memories of just standing there and rotating between numbers 1 -5 with my left hand leaving my right free to do…things. 

It's dangerous to go alone...here take this

As I mentioned before when World of Warcraft Legion graces us with its presence, we will be getting our hands on some lovely legendary artifacts. These artifacts will not be so much found in a dusty old castle or by leveling our fucking archaeology because no one wants to do that anymore, but from the lore heroes within the game that have either died, given into despair, or given the weapon to the player because let’s face it they weren’t fucking using it…with a few exception of course. So there are to be 36 different artifacts for every spec possible and each will have its own skill tree, yet  another reason for me to have a hour debate with my friend as to why choosing one talent rather than the other, coming to a totally different conclusion and end up playing Heroes. Now the thing the bothers me is that some of these items are rather famous such as Doomhammer, Ashbringer, and Thas’dorah belonging to Thrall, Tirion Fordring and the Windrunners respectively. Now, as far as I understand, we are “acquiring” these weapons from those heroes, but does that mean Blizzard are going to kill off some of their more fan favourite lore characters or turning them into little pansies so much so that we finally say, “fuck it let me do it”? Some of the way we make other of the weapons sounds better than looting lore characters. Such as the weapon for a frost death knight, which has us returning to Ice Crown to get some shards of Frostmourne to forge two new weapons, Icebringer and Soulreaper. Not only does to sound similar to the Shadowmourne quest, but it might clear up what happened to Frostmourne which apparently keeps some fan boys/girls up all night…or they are raiding. Adding to the insanity is giving survival hunters a spear from some tauren. Now my hunter did carry a polearm back in the Wraith days, but that was just for the stats it had, and if I ever got close enough to a target to use it, I would throw my hands up in the air yelling “nuh nuah nuf”, putting as much distance as I could between me and the thing my fucking pet was supposed to be keeping entertained with bear slaps to the face. 

I love the idea of having these unique to spec items and having to work to get them, but I feel that there is something terrible on the horizon in terms of how we get some of the items. Still I personally can’t wait for my paladin to beat the shit out of demons with Ashbringer, but at what cost? In the meantime, finding a place to hide his body is high on my priority list. 

Notice me Tirion-senpai

We are Legion...for we are enough

With the announcement of Legion out and fanboys grasping at every little piece of information they can get their grimy hands on, like a fat kid trying to reach the cookies on the top shelf….accurate comparison actually, I thought I would way into the muddy waters of opinions and add to the frankly ocean of opinions that people probably don’t care about until the expansion actually comes out.

Now for those of you that don’t know, the Burning Legion is kind of the hell’s army of the Warcraft universe, with Sargeras being the big cheese of it all. Sargeras was a titan, the groups of beings that act as the gods for the Warcraft universe, and after fighting a lot of demons, and going a bit bat shit crazy, he decides to become that ultimate evil in the universe and try turn everything into dark despair. If only daddy titan had told Sargeras he loves him a bit more. For some reason Azeroth is so sort after, that the Burning Legion practically rub one out, every time that it is mentioned, and have finally pull enough resources together to get that magical holiday experience they have being saving all their lives. Not that Azeroth seems like a prime holiday destination what with the grinding and douche bag corpse campers. But fuck they want in. So they finally manage to find a portal to the Broken Isle because the big cheese himself seems to have time shares their and is only now willing to share it the prick. Although the Tomb of Sargeras doesn’t sound like the best place to spend summer vacation, what with it being a tomb and all. Any way another new comer to the party are Demon Hunter class, with the story being they are the Illidar, the followers of Illidan, so basically a bunch of groupies? Great, why not? Now in order to fight these tourists, Blizzard has decided that heroes will now need the greatest weapons in all the land, copy and pasted into the hands of every Johnny they can find. A like the idea of wielding these ancient weapon they can level entire towns every time you cough, but the idea of having the mage next to you wielding the same weapon is how cosmetic singularities are formed I’m sure. But remember you are unique, just like everyone else.

All in all I love the idea that we finally going to deal with the Legion and the fact that Illidan is coming back, does seem a bit “soapie” where a character has been a coma for three years and is brought back because the ratings are taking a nose dive. 

They stole your cookies

The son returns

So let’s get back into it. I finally decided that it has been long enough and decided to dive back into WoW to see what all the fuss is about. Patch 6.2 is the last patch for Warlords of Draenor and thank Christ for that. To me WoD just seemed to be a semi expansion. Blizzard used it as a distraction while it went off and put resources into Heroes of the Storm and Overwatch, only to realize that people weren’t falling for their bull shit. Numbers drop dramatically, like the belief in a favorite comedian when it turns out he drugged women. Can Blizzard pull back these numbers? In my opinion, no. The days of their colossal  destroyer of lives and demolisher of finances has had its day in the sun, reached the peak and is heading down like a girl after their drink has been spiked by a famous comedian. Now I stand to be corrected, and I hope the next expansion, whatever it maybe because a don’t put stoke in rumors, brings back the glory days of Wraith of the Bitch King…I mean Lich King.

With the next expansion being announced in a few days, I decided to give my views on WoD. It me it was all bark and no bite. The garrison which  was there to make the player fell like the force within Draenor instead of the fussy friend to the major lore characters, so eager to make senpai notice them, that they will literally do anything they ask close to take it roughly from behind to please them. Giving you the power to finally be on the dealing end of sending people to do your bidding, the garrison and its followers felt more than of a chore to me than anything.  It gave players the ability to do all professions, knee capping the economy of some servers. Gone were the days when you could sell professional crafted items because they were either limit on a player, or easy enough for other players to make. Although it did help with the gathering professions, I still fell leather working and tailoring got shafted. Close to the time of my hiatus, I would simply log on, gather herbs and mineral, check my followers missions, place new work orders, and knock off for lunch. Not exactly thrilling game play. Now you may say “Dubu you hairy bastard, you should of tried raiding.” To which I answer "How the fuck did you find me reader? Also I did.+ The raids just didn’t have the right fell to me. Older raids were the right mixture of not too difficult that I would start a murderous rampage, and not so easy that I would lose interest. WoD raids just didn’t feel the same. And don’t get me started on the legendary quest line….all that for a fucking ring? I ain’t no single lady that needs a rings on it. The cloak felt like an epic experience…but a ring? Really?

Keep the faith my brothers and sisters

Is it just me or have things lost what they once were? I write this post with some disgust and sadness in my hurt...it has been four days since I have played World of Warcraft and I find myself trying new things. To set the record straight, yes there have been periods in my so called life when I have looked at that WoW icon sitting on my desktop only to meet its gaze with a shrug and a sigh, thinking to myself "Not feeling it". This has never concerned me in the past though with full knowledge that in a week or two I will be back, foaming at the mouth ready to crack the skulls and tear out the insides of menacing ones and zeros....but recently that feeling has been extended. It might be the fact that now that I have a proper job, and have to heed the words of the so called "Man", I just don't see the appeal anymore. My days are now spent crunching numbers and reviewing reports, not casting spells and swinging swords, the ladder of which sounds more like my cup of tea...or it could be because WoW are introducing a selfie taking toy in patch 6.1.....god dammit.

Hi, have you met Warlords?

Although I was given a beta key to Warlords of Draenor, I was only able to play for a short while. I was too busy with work, trying improving myself socially, and trying to not fail varsity. So once that was all out the way and I could finally sit down and play WoD, and the launch issues had been swept under the rug, I could finally enjoy the marvel that once WoD...or so I thought. I managed to get my first level 100 a few days ago, and like the good little addict I am, I couldn't wait for the next injection of time wasting grinding to get the next character to that level. Starting off on the Horde side, because fuck the alliance, Frostfire Ridge was the home away from home, away from planet, away from time stream....sorry lost my train of thought. Anyway, I jumped in, downed some energy drinks, told friends to fuck off for a few days and gain my level 100. But then I released something, I don't want to do this again. WoW use to be simple and fun, but now trying to look after followers, your garrison, and not be murdered by everything is started to get me. I fell like it's taking me away from the main point of the game and you are forced to experience that part of the game in order to experience others more fun parts, like it's a gate way drug hence the addiction reference. It still may be too early to tell but there is something about WoD that may make or break me as a player.  It might be early to make this decision and the release of the raids might make or break the relationship between myself and WoD, but then again it is balancing on raid finder so hopes aren’t high. 

Beta is Closed

With the Warlords of Draenor beta coming to a close, I felt I should say something on it, even if my time with it was as short as the first time for a boy who only read about girls on the Web. Being as this is the first time I have ever been part of a beta, I had no clue as who to do a bloody thing, so I dove in head first like any crazy fan boy. As time went on I learnt my lessons and became experience, even leading my guild members into how to get started. Showing them how to start off then leaving them to explore the new world, mainly because I was getting tired of their questions about shit. Any way what can be said that hasn’t been already said, the new graphics look awesome, the new specs are tricky to get use to and the loss of certain spells keeps me up at night. The new story with old faces makes one think what could have been if the Cool Aid wasn't spiked by demon blood, and we finally get to deal with Garrosh and his daddy issues.  The one big thing that got me, is that WoW has always been an MMORPG that uses the idea that you as a character are not alone in any fight, but the garrison systems seems to contradict that. You are the only one with the garrison and you are commander, or so it seems. I do like that you can chat to anyone else in their garrisons via general chat, like that of a city, but with you being the only one in the garrison, I felt that I was a crazy person talking to people in my head. Usually the conversations are more interesting. 

Come on Blizzard, tinker a litte

What makes a MMO great, apart from gameplay, story, and loyal fan boys, is the classes they offer. WoW has coined the class dynamic and the roles in which they play. The original list was great and each class had its role and story within the lore of Warcraft. The addition of the Death Knight not only as a class but as a hero class, fitted the launch of Wraith of the Lich King, like South African politicians and corruption. The monk's addition, which I totally called by the way thanks Blizzard,  had its glorious intro and game launched on like the devoted disciplines they were, or wanted to be. To be honest with the announcement that Warlords of Draenor would have no class or race addition, I was kind of disappointed. I started this disappointment rant by suggesting and debating new classes and races with a fellow ranter over some much needed liquid bread. The races debate was put on hold, in fear that we would need to remove our heads from our arses due to shear stupidity, the classes proved more successful. We suggested that maybe the addition of a Tinker or Demon Hunter class. Both could use mail, solving the addition mail user problem and each could have a tanking class. I want to focus on the tinker first. Now I should mention that a am nervous to use the phrase “like a [certain class] but”, because it makes it seem unoriginal but it helps to give the reader something to picture while arguing against my idea.

 The tinker could have a tank, dps and healing spec, each using a system of explosives, casters, rockets and robots during the fights. The tank spec, enforcement, uses a system of combo points or energy called potential energy which they gain by actually hitting the target or getting hit. Similar to a warrior or pally tank, the enforcer uses this to perform moves. His threat generator would be called "Static discharge" which gives off a static discharge every time the tinker hits a target and act similar to the pally's "Righteous Fury". The healer tinker, mixer, would use lasers, injections and sludge to heal. For example the tinker throws a caster to the group filled with regenerative agent, healing the raid members in a certain area. His/ her injection act as either heals buffs, or cures, and the lasers act as their main offence abilities and heals. The dps tinker ,crafter, would act as a mid-range dps, using melee attacks, bombs, rockets, lasers and robots as their tools. The crafter could act similar to an enhancement shammy having close range and mid-range attacks. Each spec gets their own robot helping their role in a fight, similar to the monks. Like the crafter gets a turret, the mixer gets a medic-bot, and the enforcer gets trainer-bot (giving them more health and increasing their threat generation) The class would get their own special item, a pouch or backpack, for their weapon slot. Obviously the first to races that come to mind are gnomes and goblins being tinkers, and maybe dwarves and orc as well do to them using tech by their small little friends that won’t move out of their dear cities. 

 There are some bugs to work out, I grant you, but Blizzard please try make this happen. If you do, then I expect to at least have an npc named after me, because if you don't then I will start throwing bricks through windows at your headquarters...attached to flaming copies of Diablo 3. 

Tinker from the first Dota

Pandaland...thanks for memories

With the next WoW expansion on the horizon and we leave Pandaland behind, I wanna take a look back at the Mists of Pandaria as a whole. I joined the exploration of the pandas as the second patch hit, coming back after packing my bags and walking out on Cataclysm because of what she had become. After she showed me she had changed and wanted me back, I decided to take her back you continue from where I left off. I started with the new class which Blizzard totally stole my idea for by the way, monks. Deciding to kill two dragons with one cannon ball, the panda monk Pangtong, trying to sound plausible, was born. Although the panda being able to choose a side made it harder to know which I needed to me and which one wanted to cook and eat my worgen, I overlooked at it, mainly because the rolling function made fighting feel fun and hit close to home. All and all the monks were a great new class that was easy to use hard to master, covering almost all player types. Now the expansion itself felt like a roller-coaster with a slow, flat ending. Jumping into a new unknown story line in Warcraft, showed Blizzard can make an entire expansion based on a joke. It kept me excited learning about new characters while still developing old ones. I say slow flat ending however because the Siege of Orgimmar as a whole felt like a desperate wrap up of a story, that lasted way too long. Why have this buildup of this amazing new land, only to have the final raid back in old WoW? My favorite raid in the whole expansion has to be Throne of Thunder, rating into my top five raids of all times. The gear looked amazing; the game-play punished you if you didn't know what you were doing, and rewarded you if you learnt from your mistakes. The build up to the Isle of Thunder too, felt amazing to complete, but the consist dailies made playing fell like a 9 to 5 job where your boss is insane ask the same fucking thing every day expecting a different result. That was one of the major drawbacks of Mists. The dailies made rep grinding the fell like pulling rusty bits of metal from your skin, you know it will be better for you in the long run, but it sucks now. The elites and small treasures found across Pandaria made me feel like Indy, exploring dark forests, finding rare treasures protected by wild beasts, and really hating snakes. The one big grief I have with MoP is it lasted timing. It lasted over two years and the last raid was 12 months? Really Blizzard come on, give us something new. I know it is hard to roll out a new expansion and it takes time, but develop the last patch of the expansion and only release it may be like 5 months before the next expansion. Just time release dates a bit better, all I am saying. 

This image is owned by Blizzard, that giant game making company that owns my soul

For the Horde....kinda

Well it's about time. After many days of trying to get a solid internet connection in order to download Warlords of Draenor beta, I have finally reached that stage where I can play, but as slow as a asthmatic snail due to additional downloads being done during game-play. Fuck.  Anyway the beta started with my orc hunter being dumped next to a very large human offering me a garrison. I was naturally skeptic. One, why is he giving away garrisons for free? Two, where is he keeping these garrisons? And three, why the fuck am I questioning this, it's a game, to which I immediately built my little pleasure palace the furthest it could go only to find I couldn`t add any fucking buildings. Why does it seem that the Horde get the bell end of everything? So I decided to double agent myself over to Alliance with a draenei paladin with amazing facial hair. Rinse, lather, repeat and I found that the Allaiance garrisons are actually working. Blizzards, Alliance are cool and all but fuck it they are not the only faction. Through something the horde's way once in a while. The horde bike from...*cough cough* Azeroth Chopper should show you that the fan base for horde could eat the Alliance base for breakfast. What also grinds my tits is that Mist of Pandaria and Warlords of Draenor both make the Horde assholes because of what a handful of individuals have done. I know this is just to drive the game and shouldn't be something that I start clubbing baby seals about, but from a story line perspective, it annoyed the shit out of me. 

Warlords of Draenor Beta...kinda

I have previous blogged on how I received a Warlords of Draenor, the fifth expansion to the soul sucking MMORPG World of Warcraft, and I have to say that there is a slight bulge in my pants. Although I am not boasting the steroid pumping graphics and an internet line that should be a criminal offense, I have to say that it looks amazing. I haven't downloaded the full game yet, so i have only managed to do is create random characters and tour the new Orgrimmar, one of the main cities for those who don't know what I am talking about because you live under rocks, and the details and adjusts Blizzard have made to the character models is truly amazing. I normally have an issue with everything Blizzard does, but this time I can't complain. I have only seen so far many five new models, but that's all they needed to do to get me back to their place for a night of passionate clicking.

Suddenly....enlightenment

I have been hanging on every word and video released on the last few days about the upcoming WoW expansion, Warlords of Draenor, detailing each experience I have received with the glee of a Saturday morning cartoon....then it occurred to me. I was explaining to a friend the level 100 talents for a mage and he asked "So it's the last expansion?"
"What you mean?"
"When we reach level 100 it's the end"
"No they are still more expansions coming"  
"Too difficult to level characters now...too far to go."
Then it dawned on me. I have a warlock and rogue in the works, still unable to venture out on their own without the helping hand of heirloom gear. Getting them to 90 seemed to require more amounts of my life than I prepared to give, but reaching 100...nope. And for those of you that say " you can buy a level 90 now"...I respond, yes i could, but living in the economical hell of South Africa it means spending over R500 for the character upgrade...money better spent on an evening out with a female companion with R500 worth the assets.  

Choosing sides

Okay so today I was hit with a question that made me question my entire outlook on life…Horde or Alliance? I have been playing Warcraft for about 15 years now, 5 of those years playing the soul sucking World of Warcraft. For those of you who don’t know because apparently you spend your time underneath a rock, the two opposing factions in the World of Warcraft are the noble Alliance filled with members that still need their parental figure go ahead to stay up late, and the honour bond Horde who fill their ranks with slightly psychotic video gamers, a scary notion in its self. Now back to the matter at hand, both factions offer in depth back stories of redemption, courage, and other fancy words that make them look heroic, while still having those moments in their history that you kind of ignore them and say “Nope, I don’t know them”. So in terms of story they are equal. If you ask what about gameplay, I meet you with a swift hand to the back of the head and move swiftly on. What it comes down to for me is what you want to do? Do you want to battle the various 1s and 0s designed to take on different forms and shapes, i.e., PVE; or to battle the ridiculously massive fan base and pray and hope they aren’t playing with a Rogue, i.e. PVP. In truth I play Horde for PVE and Ally for PVP. Why? Because the Ally for some odd reason always win PVP, because the Horde couldn’t be bothered to follow simple instructions and their thrust for blood always get me killed. The Ally however seems able to think during a blood thrusty encounter. However during a PVE such as a rad, they start to panic at the smallest hint of trouble running around screaming likes four-year old girls. Horde takes up the challenge and barrels on through honoring their blood carving nature. Of course there are exemptions to these rules, for example if you are playing against an all-Russian PVP team, you’re fucked either way. Thanks Putin.