Fantastic four…
See this is what
happens when you give comic book franchises to movie companies who don’t know
what the fuck to do with it. They fuck it up and still think they can do it
again. That my friends is the definition of insanity. Doing the same thing over
and over, and expecting different results. Fox’s latest fuck up of note, is the
reboot of Fantastic Four. Now when it was announced that the franchise was
getting a reboot, I was all for it, and gave them the benefit of the doubt.
Human torch being a black guy, got for it. Susan Storm is adopted, why the fuck
not. Changing how they got their powers, I can roll with it. Mr Fantastic can
warp the reality around his body making him stretch… this was the point where I
say what the fuck guys. I didn’t bother watching in cinema, because it would
have been better money spent paying my friend to lodge a pickaxe in my skull.
As usual if you want a plot summary…..no. Okay fine, smart arse fucks his
friends up, giving them powers and who then have to save the world when one of
them throws a temper tantrum. Now the plot
smells fishy to begin with, but was fish lovers market bad by mid movie. The
effect were cool but you can make a shit look amazing…but it still came out of
someone’s anus. The acting is what got me and drove the final nail in the
coffin, which would have been a welcome relief. My main issue was Mr Fantastic
himself, Miles Teller. He just seemed like a winey little bitch the whole movie
to the point where you hope Jamie Bell just ties him around a tree surrounded
and leaves him to die. A lot of people had problem with Michael B. Jordan
playing Johnny Storm, but I was impressed the most by him. He played the
character pretty well in my eyes, cocky, adrenaline seeking, bad boy that would
sleep with you, set your curtains on fire and then never call you. Toby Kebbell
take on Doom was….blah, considering he had to work with a script written by a
chimpanzee.
