Thanks are due

Okay so I guess it’s no secret that I spend a great deal of my time on the internet. Apparently I have internet addiction or something…the website wasn’t very helpful. But the one thing I did find that helped me was a YouTube video. This was a draw my life video made by the YouTuber Markiplier. It was a video where, as the name suggests, he draws a summary of his life. Now my life hasn’t been the best, but I have been more fortunate than most and watching his video kind of enlighten me. He made his channel to do something that he really wanted to do, and this blog is the same story. I had been thinking about making a blog for years, but never just did. Then I watched the video and it made me just do it. Kinda think of it as the Nike of YouTube videos. I was always told that you should thank the people of inspire you if get the chance. If he read this awesome…hi Mark and thanks. If not….well then damn.

Draw My Life - Markiplier 

Make the bully kill itself

This one goes out to all the parents. Now I understand that most parents know less about the internet than the spawn and have to make that awkward request when they want to secretly want to access that website for “research” and need the help of their “innocent” spawn that know that site and six others they consider better. I find it odd that we live in a day and age where parents go to their children trying to learn how things work and not the other way around. When I wanted to learn how to cook, I went to my mother. When I want to learn how to change a plug, I went to my father. Now I look up online just how I can cook my chicken cu don blue, a recipe my mother has never heard of.

This is not much of a problem but an opportunity. Meaning that parents should learn this stuff, by themselves, and take an interest in what their spawn are up to. With the recent issue of cyber bullying being a hot topic, parents are oblivious to the fact their spawn is creating hell in another spawns life. How does a parent monitor this though? Let’s face being friends with your parents on FaceBook does create a since of dread considering they might find that photo of you from three years age showing you in an interesting position that would be deemed unacceptable with a hand to the back of the head. So what’s left? To be honest I don’t know. I guess the traditional methods should be considered. Keep an eye on your children and talk to them. Are they being bullied or are they bullying. One should be met with hot chocolate and talking will the other should be met with the selling other the spawns most treasured item, profits of which go to a suitable charity, and a photo on the net describing the situation.

The other topic is games making spawn violent and causing them to go on a shooting rampage. This is not the case, you can’t deem something is unhealthy to spawn and band it because of the actions of a few. Although I agree some games are not helping my case, you know how you are, and are just using the violence as a selling point and have as much stimulating game play as a brick; this doesn’t mean that “My little pony” on the xBox is going to lead your spawn to kill.  As stated above, take an interest in what your spawn is playing and see whether their choice of games is worth your seal of approval or something to mention to the local authorities. If they only play “Savage Slaughter” the series, then there is room for concern.

Parents please understand that spawn feel often alone and isolated and teenage years don’t help. Be more involved with your children and don’t just leave it to their teachers or authority figures. You are damaging your spawn more than video games could ever if you send the message that they aren’t worth your time and effort. 

Lego Marvel Zeros

I have to admit that when I first thought about buying the game, the small remainder of the young boy left in me showed the first signs of reappearance in the last 5 years...then I played it, and that young boy was beaten like a stepdad beating his ginger kid. Lego's Marvel Heroes or whatever it's called is a combination of my two favourite things as a kid, Lego and Marvel Heroes which at the time seemed like the combination of peanut butterfly and syrup on a lovely piece of warm toast, but it quickly turned into marmite and dog shit. My team members proved to be more of a menace to me then the people I was fighting and the just stood and watch as I was getting beaten, just like the mother of a ginger child being beaten by their stepdad. Although the Lego seemed to understand its part in the game, which was to get in my way each and every fucking time I tried to collect the dropped Lego pieces that I desperately tried to gather like junky looking for a fix. Then the final piece in the coffin containing my childhood was the character collection. In order to collect your favourite characters outside the story line, you have to locate them and solve a puzzle to obtain the token...which you then have to purchase. Disney you money grubbing bastards. I admit the fact that I played by keyboard might not have helped and feelings towards the game...but it was eclipsed by my urge to leap into the game and beat the hell out of my favourite Marvel heroes whenever they opened their mouths. i would like to go on about the game but just writing about it has reminded me that a spent about $5 on this game...$5 I will never get back. 

Choosing sides

Okay so today I was hit with a question that made me question my entire outlook on life…Horde or Alliance? I have been playing Warcraft for about 15 years now, 5 of those years playing the soul sucking World of Warcraft. For those of you who don’t know because apparently you spend your time underneath a rock, the two opposing factions in the World of Warcraft are the noble Alliance filled with members that still need their parental figure go ahead to stay up late, and the honour bond Horde who fill their ranks with slightly psychotic video gamers, a scary notion in its self. Now back to the matter at hand, both factions offer in depth back stories of redemption, courage, and other fancy words that make them look heroic, while still having those moments in their history that you kind of ignore them and say “Nope, I don’t know them”. So in terms of story they are equal. If you ask what about gameplay, I meet you with a swift hand to the back of the head and move swiftly on. What it comes down to for me is what you want to do? Do you want to battle the various 1s and 0s designed to take on different forms and shapes, i.e., PVE; or to battle the ridiculously massive fan base and pray and hope they aren’t playing with a Rogue, i.e. PVP. In truth I play Horde for PVE and Ally for PVP. Why? Because the Ally for some odd reason always win PVP, because the Horde couldn’t be bothered to follow simple instructions and their thrust for blood always get me killed. The Ally however seems able to think during a blood thrusty encounter. However during a PVE such as a rad, they start to panic at the smallest hint of trouble running around screaming likes four-year old girls. Horde takes up the challenge and barrels on through honoring their blood carving nature. Of course there are exemptions to these rules, for example if you are playing against an all-Russian PVP team, you’re fucked either way. Thanks Putin. 

I got myself a hat

So a weird thing happened to me yesterday, I graduated and for some reason I don't feel any different.  I mean I worked my ass off the last three years literally, I lost like 10 kg in one year. All that for a piece of paper that says I am officially qualified to be a business analyst and not in so many words. All the people around me were crying and hugging,  my parents gave me that proud of you son look and my friends through their arms around me similar to when Man United scores a goal...which this season is not often. Honestly I don't feel the same way. To me it was just something I had to do, and I now need to do the next thing. The ceremony was impressive,  but as a hat was being held over held over my head, I couldn't help but think first: what is up with all the hats, second: really all that work for this? The argument 'it gives you opportunities' has been through in my face but so could cutting off my leg and replacing it with a peg leg. 

Reaper of Souls

Now we're talking. When Blizzard announce Diablo 3 after the same amount of time it takes for some one's hopes and dreams to die, I have to admit I was happier than a pig in a microwave. However Blizzard decided to meet my child-like anticipation with a large dump on my very soul. Diablo 3 was for a lack of a I am not very comfortable using here, a large disappointment. It was the same length as a pack of crisps and was about as fulfilling. But I have to admit they redeemed themselves with Reaper of Souls, mostly. The expansion of Diablo 3 completely change the special cousin of the Diablo family (the one you keep in the basement and is only ever mentioned in shame), and made it the energetic little brother that won't calm down and is consistently doing something new and different. The loot system replaces the auction house and does the game justice. The icing on the cake however, for me at least, is the added missions for your followers. During the 10 hours of playing the original, I have to admit I became attachment to the scoundrel and the witty conversation him and my barbarian would have. The expansion expands...haha...on the relationship bringing new wittier dialogue and even added sided mission resolving certain issues the follower had. Each sided mission brings the warm feeling of helping someone who consistently got in your way but kept trying like a faithful jack russell and kept going to completely uncanny places when any rational person would of through up their hands and yelled "Are you fucking insane?". All in all the expansion manages to save the origin from the savage stoning it had to endure and the absence of butterfly witches is always something to be happy about.

You Hollywood! Stop this shit!

The movie world is filled disappointments and failures. The worse is when the prostitutes of Hollywood take a beloved character and try ring every cent out of it till there is nothing left but a husk of its former glory. The Smurfs seem a prime example. As a child growing up the Smurfs taught me a lot of things. The person wearing different clothes to everyone else is often the leader or main villain, one girl in a group of guys is a slut and that you can replace swearing with the word Smurf and it sounds retarded. But when the movie came out, I refused. Too often had an eagerly waited in line for the movie adaption of my favourite cartoon, book, comic book, or game, only to leave feeling disappointed and in need on a good brain bleaching. Ghost Rider, Green Lantern, Prince of Persia, Under Dog, all was seen by an innocent mind and produce one of anger and pessimism.

 I don’t understand how this could happen. Usually the main reason this brilliant idea turned into a shit movie is the lack of story or bad choice of leading actor. The Ghost Rider franchise screwed the pooch on both counts taking the most bad ass character in the Marvel universe and making him a whinny little tart that Nicholas Cage  is held solely responsible for in my opinion. Ghost Rider is one of the most complex stories in Marvel so A) why make a movie about it unless you know it will be great, B) get Nicolas Cage to be Johnny Blaze and C)Fuck you Cage.

Max Payne was the game that sat close to my heart. Although the graphics were in need of a fine tuning the story and action kept things entertaining for me. Once you have shot the bad guys while jumping in slow motion, there is no better way to do it, unless you have a sniper rifle from four blocks away powerful enough to remove the bad guys arm no matter where your bullet made contact. Then Mark Walberg decided to laughably to make a movie adaption. The movie’s only saving grace was Mila Kunis. Apart from her there was only one scene with slow mo and Walberg’s desperate attempted to make us care about him….Go away Mark.

But there have been certain game changers that have made me rethink my position. Iron man and Batman being the top two. That being said here are some ground rules I believe.

·         No video game adaption, just no.

·         If you must make one of a comic book, use the fucking comic book as a story.

·         Don’t use Nicholas Cage or Mark Walberg, and sad to say Ryan Reynolds. Buddy Green Lantern and R.I.P.D were shit.

·         You will never be as good as the source material. Scott Pilgrim vs. the World the movie was good, the comic is better….much better.

With all that in mind I would like to leave you with a thought…they are making a Warcraft movie. Shit.