Choosing sides

Okay so today I was hit with a question that made me question my entire outlook on life…Horde or Alliance? I have been playing Warcraft for about 15 years now, 5 of those years playing the soul sucking World of Warcraft. For those of you who don’t know because apparently you spend your time underneath a rock, the two opposing factions in the World of Warcraft are the noble Alliance filled with members that still need their parental figure go ahead to stay up late, and the honour bond Horde who fill their ranks with slightly psychotic video gamers, a scary notion in its self. Now back to the matter at hand, both factions offer in depth back stories of redemption, courage, and other fancy words that make them look heroic, while still having those moments in their history that you kind of ignore them and say “Nope, I don’t know them”. So in terms of story they are equal. If you ask what about gameplay, I meet you with a swift hand to the back of the head and move swiftly on. What it comes down to for me is what you want to do? Do you want to battle the various 1s and 0s designed to take on different forms and shapes, i.e., PVE; or to battle the ridiculously massive fan base and pray and hope they aren’t playing with a Rogue, i.e. PVP. In truth I play Horde for PVE and Ally for PVP. Why? Because the Ally for some odd reason always win PVP, because the Horde couldn’t be bothered to follow simple instructions and their thrust for blood always get me killed. The Ally however seems able to think during a blood thrusty encounter. However during a PVE such as a rad, they start to panic at the smallest hint of trouble running around screaming likes four-year old girls. Horde takes up the challenge and barrels on through honoring their blood carving nature. Of course there are exemptions to these rules, for example if you are playing against an all-Russian PVP team, you’re fucked either way. Thanks Putin. 

I got myself a hat

So a weird thing happened to me yesterday, I graduated and for some reason I don't feel any different.  I mean I worked my ass off the last three years literally, I lost like 10 kg in one year. All that for a piece of paper that says I am officially qualified to be a business analyst and not in so many words. All the people around me were crying and hugging,  my parents gave me that proud of you son look and my friends through their arms around me similar to when Man United scores a goal...which this season is not often. Honestly I don't feel the same way. To me it was just something I had to do, and I now need to do the next thing. The ceremony was impressive,  but as a hat was being held over held over my head, I couldn't help but think first: what is up with all the hats, second: really all that work for this? The argument 'it gives you opportunities' has been through in my face but so could cutting off my leg and replacing it with a peg leg. 

Reaper of Souls

Now we're talking. When Blizzard announce Diablo 3 after the same amount of time it takes for some one's hopes and dreams to die, I have to admit I was happier than a pig in a microwave. However Blizzard decided to meet my child-like anticipation with a large dump on my very soul. Diablo 3 was for a lack of a I am not very comfortable using here, a large disappointment. It was the same length as a pack of crisps and was about as fulfilling. But I have to admit they redeemed themselves with Reaper of Souls, mostly. The expansion of Diablo 3 completely change the special cousin of the Diablo family (the one you keep in the basement and is only ever mentioned in shame), and made it the energetic little brother that won't calm down and is consistently doing something new and different. The loot system replaces the auction house and does the game justice. The icing on the cake however, for me at least, is the added missions for your followers. During the 10 hours of playing the original, I have to admit I became attachment to the scoundrel and the witty conversation him and my barbarian would have. The expansion expands...haha...on the relationship bringing new wittier dialogue and even added sided mission resolving certain issues the follower had. Each sided mission brings the warm feeling of helping someone who consistently got in your way but kept trying like a faithful jack russell and kept going to completely uncanny places when any rational person would of through up their hands and yelled "Are you fucking insane?". All in all the expansion manages to save the origin from the savage stoning it had to endure and the absence of butterfly witches is always something to be happy about.

You Hollywood! Stop this shit!

The movie world is filled disappointments and failures. The worse is when the prostitutes of Hollywood take a beloved character and try ring every cent out of it till there is nothing left but a husk of its former glory. The Smurfs seem a prime example. As a child growing up the Smurfs taught me a lot of things. The person wearing different clothes to everyone else is often the leader or main villain, one girl in a group of guys is a slut and that you can replace swearing with the word Smurf and it sounds retarded. But when the movie came out, I refused. Too often had an eagerly waited in line for the movie adaption of my favourite cartoon, book, comic book, or game, only to leave feeling disappointed and in need on a good brain bleaching. Ghost Rider, Green Lantern, Prince of Persia, Under Dog, all was seen by an innocent mind and produce one of anger and pessimism.

 I don’t understand how this could happen. Usually the main reason this brilliant idea turned into a shit movie is the lack of story or bad choice of leading actor. The Ghost Rider franchise screwed the pooch on both counts taking the most bad ass character in the Marvel universe and making him a whinny little tart that Nicholas Cage  is held solely responsible for in my opinion. Ghost Rider is one of the most complex stories in Marvel so A) why make a movie about it unless you know it will be great, B) get Nicolas Cage to be Johnny Blaze and C)Fuck you Cage.

Max Payne was the game that sat close to my heart. Although the graphics were in need of a fine tuning the story and action kept things entertaining for me. Once you have shot the bad guys while jumping in slow motion, there is no better way to do it, unless you have a sniper rifle from four blocks away powerful enough to remove the bad guys arm no matter where your bullet made contact. Then Mark Walberg decided to laughably to make a movie adaption. The movie’s only saving grace was Mila Kunis. Apart from her there was only one scene with slow mo and Walberg’s desperate attempted to make us care about him….Go away Mark.

But there have been certain game changers that have made me rethink my position. Iron man and Batman being the top two. That being said here are some ground rules I believe.

·         No video game adaption, just no.

·         If you must make one of a comic book, use the fucking comic book as a story.

·         Don’t use Nicholas Cage or Mark Walberg, and sad to say Ryan Reynolds. Buddy Green Lantern and R.I.P.D were shit.

·         You will never be as good as the source material. Scott Pilgrim vs. the World the movie was good, the comic is better….much better.

With all that in mind I would like to leave you with a thought…they are making a Warcraft movie. Shit.