Seventh Son....Twice Removed

I stand by my statement that I have proudly bellowed out every time one of friends mentions that a new movie based on something else is coming out: “movies based on games are going to be shit, but movies based on books have potential”. So when my friend one fake Lord of the Ring’s eleven cloak short of being a fan boy the movie Seventh Son, I stood by my statement….then after watching it, I wish I hadn’t and instead spent the 102min of my life, I will never get back, on something better…like wiping my bum with sand paper. The movie is set in a fantasy world where there was once a group of monster hunters not called Witchers, although there is a faint smell of Andrzej Sapkowski there but we’ll ignore it like we ready need to pee in a smelly bathroom, but called Spooks…odd considering they are the one killing the things that go bump in the night. Master Gregory played by Jeff Bridges, is a Spook and must train a young Tom Ward, played by Ben Barnes, to kill evil spirits and no this is a movie not a generic RPG. The main villain is the Queen of all witches mother Malkin, played by Julianne Moore, who enjoys wearing ridiculous amounts of tight leather like see is ready for bondage and wants to take over the world, so in terms of plot it is pretty standard like the sun rising in the morning. Now the movie is based on The Spook's Apprentice by Joseph Delaney and I am willing to bet my first born child that the book is better than the movie. Generic plot, outcome as predictable as giving a monkey a gun is a bad idea, and characters that you try to connect with but find that I found myself routing for the ogre looking thing that acted as the butler for the main protagonists who says fuck all the whole movie.

Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, Batman!

After doing this for a few months, I wanted to try something new. So I decided to go cold turkey and try stopping playing Warcraft for a while. I would put a time frame on it, but let’s face it just like a true junky; I will be hitting that virtual addiction again sometime soon. So I stepped off for a while and started playing the Batman Arkham franchise again. Now me telling people now that the Batman Arkham franchise is so brilliant that I wish it could have my children, is the same as me saying that I paly World of Warcraft; old, outdated and is just fucking obvious. But with Arkham Knight gracing us with its divine presence soon I thought it might be a good time to shed my opinion on it….because I can. Now Asylum was great…but the whole leading up to an ultimate boss battle with Killer Croc only to have an over glorified game on whack a mole, did kind of went against it. But I will give it credit, the Scarecrow parts made me start questioning my sanity. The City part of franchise, although not much of a city because it come fit in the asylum with room for a side garage, was my favorite of the franchise. Not only because for a group of ones and zeros, Catwoman has an amazing ass….revealing a lot about my relationship status, but because it kept what was great about Asylum and adding new things, showing that the developers saw what was good and kept it instead of being retarded and trying to create the awesome again from scratch. The add on of being able to play as different characters, kept things fresh in the story but was a little irritating trying to change things when you already have a gameplay programmed into your mind. Origins was just…kind of….aaahhhh. For me it was just a repeat of City and didn’t do the same City did to Asylum. That being said the battle with an overpowered Bane did make my heart beat so much that it was pretty much hitting the screen. All-in-all it was different to WoW and a great franchise, forcing to pump enough money into my PC to run Knight smoothly that it could solve Eskom’s power crisis…but I won’t be able to play it because of load shedding…fuck.