Okay so I walked into
Batman v Superman Dawn of Justice with at least a kilo of salt, and walked out
making smug preening noises going “I told you so”. To give the movie credit it wasn’t that bad,
but the fact the I have to say it wasn’t that bad proves that I am covering
something up, but I don’t have enough make up to cover tumors that big, but
we’ll get to that later. My suspension of the movie was re-enforced by the
stupid amount of marketing the movie received, obviously over compensating for
something like a body builder on steroids, accurate metaphor if you think about
it. I say re-enforced due to two points, namely Jessie Enisberg, and Doomsday.
Now to give Jessie credit he could have pulled Lex Luther off. The power
hungry, billionaire that wants to see Superman dead, willing to sacrifice
almost anything to do it, and not, let me be fucking clear, a goddamn
psychopath. He was a megalomaniac not the Superman version of Joker. Again
script writers for DC fail to read any of the fucking source material. Lads,
your story boards are done, they are called comics, read them. In terms of
casting, everyone was up in arms about good old Ben Affleck bringing the taint
of Daredevil to the role of Batman, however to my surprise, he didn’t
disappoint me. He played the billionaire CEO Bruce Wayne when he needed to and
the dark brooding ass kicker the rest of the time. The chemistry between him
and Jeremy Irons as Alfred, worked well as the smart arse butler and the master
that needs a good verbal kicking every now and then. Henry Calvin doesn’t change much of his
previous performance as Superman, going for more the winey little bitch rather
than the most power being on earth, who let’s face it, would totally abuse his
power if it was any of us. The additional cameos
of Wonder Woman, Cyborg, Aqua Man and Flash, were worked in nicely adding some
sweetness to the salt mentioned early. However the how Flash traveling back in
time to warn Bruce means two things, time travel will be a thing in the future
movies as well as the possibility of alternate realities. For DC movies this
means that when they run out of ideas, or produce a shit movie, they can go
back in time and try fix it, or say it was in an alternate reality. So in other
words it gets them a giant get out of jail free card, which they will abuse the
shit of it.
In the end the movie
deserves its mixed reviews. The movie was decent in adding to the new DC
universe and building towards the future. It was like going on a blind date
with a good looking girl. Her dress helps define her assets but as soon as your
eyes see her toes you notice she is missing one. Fine, no problem you can
overlook it, but then she opens her mouth and you find she has the most
annoying voice known to man basically raping your ears with a sand paper
condom.
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