Lego of my Batman...see what I did there?

I think we can agree that the Lego movie had something going for it. It was mainly aimed at kids but included that sense of humour for adults, running with the fact that parents will bring their little snout nosed cubs to the movie and so let’s make it based on something the parents properly played with at some stage of their lives and then stepped on later on. So the movie was successful and was milked for everything it had, developing a whole new Lego range, a few games of some kind or other, and a song that gets into your brain like a parasite forcing you become one of us….I mean them.  But one of the milked outcomes of that was the idea “Hey, Lego Batman movie….good idea right?” Well the idea was one that had already been done, but to a smaller scale, including tie in video games, that followed the same concept of most Lego games, reduce everything you can to choking hazards for 3 year olds, break everything in a fit of rage brought about by kleptomania, and kill your allies because they are more hazardous to your than any of your enemies. Now the Lego Batman movie did have a decent cast with Will Arnett, Zach Galifianakis, Michael Cera, Rosario Dawson and Ralph Fiennes. However they couldn’t swoop in at the last minute and save the incident movie for shoving its head into its own arse, in a viral Youtube “Hold my beer” moment. The movie was entertaining but I am expecting a lot from a movie targeting at cubs, which is a fair argument. See you can’t approach this movie as a batman movie, you have to approach with confrontable shoes on or as a Lego movie. The movie was entertaining or a while, but like the cub audience it was targeted at, it lost interest after a while and started sniffing glue. Will Arnett stills remain pure gold in by books and Zach Galifanakis makes a good Lego Joker, but he better stick to the blocks. 

Star Wars Rogue One

That’s a rogue one that is

Next up in Disney’s “Let’s beat a dead body to get every drop out of it we can” is Star Wars episode 3.75: Rogue one….a Star Wars story. Now first problem we have here is that this film is set up to be the stepping off point for the first Star Wars movie Episode 4: A new hope, which was released back in the 1970s. So if you guessed that CGI was going to be a big part of the movie then you were right on the money captain fucking obvious. It’s a new Star Wars’ movie of course there is going to be CGI, but not in the normal “oh god that star destroyer looks real” CGI, but the “wow Carrie Fisher looks 40 years younger, thank god for Hollywood” CGI. A few characters present in the original trilogy (episode 4, 5, and 6) make the appearance of the younger less dead selves, bait fans into the nostalgia van and beating them senseless with the memory stick oddly the same shape as a Darth Vader dildo.

The movie follows the story of the daughter of the bastard who thought to himself, that planet needs another moon that can kill all the other moons, and labeled it the same name of his unsuccessful garage band “Death Star” adding a “the” to the beginning so no one would suspect a thing.  Being the rebellious teenager (even though she is in her late 20s) decides to rebel against the daddy that was never there, continuing the “I hate my dad“ club Stars Wars is known for. This leads the rebels, thinking that the new moon was ugly and needed to be dealt with the hard way, to recruit the girl and try get in good with daddy to find out where he put a small “fuck up shit here” in the design.

The hype for this movie was enough to power every hyper drive in the rebel’s and empire’s fleet, and still have enough to open three chains of “fix your hyper drive here” stores. Was it enough to get me to good to watch the movie, yes, but to be fair the name did most of the fucking work. Did it save the movie? Properly, with the current box office being $829.1 million, meaning dear old George can buy not just a train for gravy, but a few stations too. Was it worth the money? Aahhhhhh (insert hand shaking technique here) hard to say. The last part of the movie is the epic Star Wars’ battle every fan boy has dreamed of and fan girl has stroked her Darth Vader for. In the end it entertained me, but didn’t get me to find the nearest stick and make light saber noises while trying to block invisible enemy fire.